Like the Wind

I was 13 years old when my brother suggested I join the track team.  In retrospect, I think he was worried about me returning to an empty house every day after school while everyone else was working/at after school stuff but at the time it felt like a vote of confidence.

We only had Varsity track and I was only in 7th grade, so I had to pass a special state-set test in order to qualify.  There were like 10 parts to the test and I only remember some of them:  I had to do a shuttle run in a certain length of time; I had to hold a pull up for about 8000 minutes (or maybe 20 seconds?  Same difference.); I had to do a standing long jump for a certain number of feet; I had to run a mile and a half in under 12 minutes.

The only thing I really struggled with was the pullup.  Back then my only upper body workout was climbing trees.  But I discovered during the qualifying run how much I hated running inside.  It was freezing outside, and our track was under snow, so we had to do the 1.5 miles in the gym (it was me and another girl named Aimee Pooler who were trying out.  I’ll save you the suspense, we both passed.)  Half of the gym was being used for something else so it was a lot of laps and incredibly monotonous.  By the end I kind of didn’t even want to pass because I couldn’t imagine ever enjoying running, ever.

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I took some years off running.  I went to college and did most of my exercise on my bike or my skateboard (both of which I used for transportation.)   I didn’t spend much time running, unless you count running from the cops or running out of beer (the first of which happened very rarely, Mom!)

I took so many years off that I guess I kind of felt like I couldn’t run anymore.  Like it just wouldn’t happen.  Ignoring, of course, the fact that I am young (ish) and healthy and my body can and has done a lot of great and difficult things.

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In Pretty Woman, Richard Gere is waxing poetic about the opera:  About how you either love it or you hate it.  If you love it you will always love it but if you don’t you may only learn to appreciate it but will never love it.

Sometimes I think it’s good to question why you do or try or enjoy something.  Sometimes it’s good to do something worthy and use some of your time doing it to think about why you do it.  Love at first sight isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

I didn’t start out enjoying running.  It was something I did because my brother suggested it, and I listened to pretty much everything he said.  But eventually I came to know that a good run is better than almost anything else.  I have never had a “runner’s high”, per se.  But I have had runs where my body was so fluid and felt so light and together that I felt like I was flying.  Or as close to flying as I am ever going to get.

I have a recurring dream that there is danger and I am running and running and all of a sudden I take off from the ground.  And it’s hard.  It’s a struggle.  But it feels so good it’s worth the struggle.

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I started running again right around the time when Ellen was a year old.  And it was a struggle.  I was heavier than I had ever been and hadn’t been for a proper run in over ten years.  I gave it up after a few months.  Then I tried again.  Then I ran a 5k and it was so hot and I was so slow and I felt defeated.  So I gave up again.  A few months later after a physical my doctor told me my blood pressure was getting a little bit high.  I had always had low blood pressure.  But it was clear that I was not being kind to my body.  So I tried running again.  Actually, I started walking on my lunch break and a couple days into it I decided to run until it didn’t feel good any more.  It wasn’t long, but it got longer and longer until one day I was spending my entire lunch hour running.

That lasted for about 8 months and then I got pregnant for Harry unexpectedly.   I kept up running for a couple of months but then I had some bleeding episodes (I had partial previa that later resolved) and the doctor said I had to stop.

I’ve been back running for a couple of months now.  It is just now starting to feel very good (except for the sciatica, which I’ll talk about some other time.)

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Today I had plenty of time to think about why I run, and what I like about it.

Today was my favorite type of weather to run in.  It is chilly (maybe 45 degrees?) and misty and overcast.  The esplanade was almost empty at high noon.  I saw fewer than 10 bikers and 30 runners/walkers in an hour, which is really unusual.  I can run for a long time in cool weather, especially with a breeze keeping the exhaust from the cars out of my face.

There is a wooden footbridge under one of the larger bridges on the esplanade that stretches out over the water.  It is very quiet and serene under there, and your feet make a patta-patta-patta sound on the bridge and the wood is springy and makes you feel all floaty and light.

There is a heron that is always hanging out in the same spot in the river.  I enjoy seeing her.  It makes me smile every time.

Today there were some geese snacking on the riverbank and with them were three goslings.  All fluffy and yellow.  The path cuts pretty close to where they were and the Mama hissed and flapped at me and I knew just what she meant.  Good mama.  I’ll run over there now.  Your babies are safe.

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We’re still doing our run for the Hemispherectomy Foundation on May 26th.  Our team raised about $300, and I’m really thankful for everyone that joined.  It’s not life-changing money, but it will buy a couple days of food for some mom or dad waiting in the recovery room with their kid, or a plane ticket for someone far-flung to travel for surgery.  I’ll run for that.

I think I just pulled a hamstring on my virtual run

The results from our LTM stay were that the hemispherectomy is no longer on the table for us.  Whatever Ellen’s future challenges are, hemispherectomy is not likely to be one of them.

However, for the past few months we have been sitting with this possibility on the table, and we got to know an amazing organization called The Hemispherectomy Foundation.  They support children and families who are impacted by hemispherectomy at all stages of the process.  There are several conditions (including Rasmussen’s, Pediatric Stroke, Sturge-Weber Syndrome, Cortical Dysplasia, Hemimegalencephaly, and others) that indicate hemispherectomy, but still only 50 or so of the surgeries are done every year.  It is a dramatic and irreversible surgery.  There are many success stories, but the surgery itself requires a lengthy recovery and extensive rehabilitation.  It takes an emotional and financial toll on the families who experience it, and the Hemispherectomy Foundation helps to offset those tolls through community building, information sharing, and financial support.

We were connected with an amazing group of supportive families through this Foundation as we waited to learn about Ellen’s diagnosis, and we were so moved by the stories of families who had survived and thrived, families who shared their ongoing struggle, and families who waited for their own results along with us.  We won’t have to progress past the initial waiting/hoping stage of hemispherectomy research, but many families each year will.  The kind support we received moved us, and we want to continue to support this Foundation that does such amazing work.

The Hemispherectomy Foundation holds one big fundraiser every year:  The Dreams on Wings 5k.  It is held in Weatherford, TX, and we’re unable to go this year.  However, we registered a “virtual team” called “The Winderbombers”  You don’t have to run to join our virtual team.  You get a free t-shirt just for registering (registration is $30) by April 15^th!  You can register here , whether you feel like running or not (just click on the “Virtual Runner” tab up near the top of the registration form, and don’t forget to put our team name in there!)

However, we are going to hold a fun run on May 26^th and anyone who registers as a virtual runner and will be in Boston that day is welcome to join us!  We’re going to do a (casual, untimed, likely extremely unprofessional) 5k on the esplanade on May 26^th in the morning, probably around 10am.  If enough people want to join us, maybe we’ll have a picnic afterward.  If you don’t want to run but register as a virtual runner, you can just come for the picnic.   If you register, shoot me an email or leave a comment and let me know if you want to run or come and hang out while I/we run (still trying to convince Jbone.)  If you are fast, be prepared to do a lot of picnicking, as I am very slow.  I’ll make extra cookies.  🙂